"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." Albert Einstein
During the many years I have spent educating middle school children, I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet with numerous parents regarding the status of their child's education. Very often these parents are coming to a parent-teacher conference as somewhat of a last resort. Most of the conferences take on a common underlying theme having to do with their child's lack of interest and participation in their own education. The team of teachers will begin the meeting with some positive observations about the child, and before long we will be knee deep in examples of how this particular child falls short in the learning department. It is usually at this point that the parent offers up the types of encouragements they have provided to help their child excel in school. At the end of this little list of consequences, (lists of rewards are rarely mentioned), the parent usually, exasperated by this time, exclaims "And he/she must go to his/her room every day right after school without any television, computer, or cell phone."
I can't help but cringe at this statement everytime I hear it. At this point in the conference, as my team teachers will readily attest to, I usually begin to ask the parent what hobbies, or outings their child responds best to. I want to know the kind of experiences that their child thrives on. I believe Einstein said it best.
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." Notice he said "hope for reward". Once that hope for reward is missing from the picture, apathy sets in. Apathetic children, who see no hope for any change in their inprisoned condition, will often give up on themselves, their future, their learning, and participating in school. It is usually this type of child that teachers struggle the most to teach.
Once I am able to get the parent thinking about "free" rewards, like spending extra time with them at the park, or maybe playing that basketball game with them that they have promised in the past, I then talk about how without any hope of their living conditions improving, children have a difficult time seeing why they should try to improve themselves at all. I often ask the parents why they go to work each day. The number one response is to earn money. I then ask the parents if they would stop working if they stopped receiving a pay check. Of course the answer is always yes. To assist the parents in monitoring their child's success, I introduce a point sheet for their child's teachers to fill out everyday. Depending on the child, I may suggest that we look at this point sheet either on a daily or weekly basis. I then suggest that the parents set up small rewards in return for their child bringing home positive comments on their point sheet. These rewards may be as simple as allowing their child to watch 1/2 an hour of television for every category they scored a total of 4 points in. This could amount to 1-2 hours of television that weekend. My main message with these parents is that without hope of achieving some minor rewards, we are likely to see such a loss of hope that it will negatively affect every area of their child's life.
When parents are consistent with requesting to see point sheets each day/week, consistently provide positive rewards when their child meets their academic goals, and consistently provide balanced consequences when the agreed upon number of points are not achieved, I always see marked improvement in that child's academic performace.
After all, who wouldn't want to be appropriately recognized for doing well by the people they look to for guidance and love?
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