We Give Our Children Two Things; One Is Roots, The Other Is Wings

Life all is about remembering where you came from while you are flying to your dreams. M. Partyka



The following poem by Dennis Waitley is one of my favorites:

If I had two wishes, I know what they would be

I'd wish for Roots to cling to, and Wings to set me free;
 

Roots of inner values, like rings within a tree;

and Wings of independence to seek my destiny.
 

Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong,

To let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong;
 

To show me by example, and helps me learn to choose,

To take those actions every day to win instead of lose.
 

Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's all right,

To face my fear of falling when I test my wings in  flight;
 

Don't make my life too easy, it's better if I try,

And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly.
 

If I had two wishes, and two were all I had,

And they could just be granted, by my Mom and Dad;
 

I wouldn't ask for money or any store-bought things.

The greatest gifts I'd ask for are simply Roots and Wings.

By Denis Waitley

When my first daughter was born, I received this framed poem as a gift. I remember thinking, yes! This is exactly the way I want to raise my children. I must admit, it was so much simpler while I was working on giving my girls roots. Roots were easy. Roots were fun to establish. After all, roots are those things embedded in tradition, a sense of belonging, and knowing that you are loved, not matter what you say or do. Now, don't get me wrong. There were many challenging days as my girls grew to be the independent young ladies that I set out to help them become. Lots of head butting as three strong minded females all lived under the same roof. Roots have been the glue that has held our family steadfast through the good, the not so good, and the extremely difficult situations that we have faced over the years. Roots were what got us through losing a family business, having to return the home we lived in, for about fifteen years, to the bank that held it as collateral for our failed business, and having to return the home my in laws purchased for us to live in until the day they died, when it would have become our inheritance, except that family greed got in the way. Our roots are so strong and hold us so firmly together, we are positive that we, as a family, can weather any storm.

Roots were so easy to establish. My husband and I planted them together on the day we married. A few months later, our roots took off and grew another runner when our first daughter was born. A few years later, another shoot grew on our taproot, and our second daughter was born. From the moment that these girls breathed their first breath, we devoted our entire selves to to their every waking moment. We established traditions centered around God, family, vacations, outings, mealtime, bedtime, playtime, you name it, we built an entire future centered around the roots we were tending so carefully. In fact, our traditions were so deeply established that my daughters, now aged 29 and 26, still want to know what we will be doing as a family at summer vacation time. So yes, roots, while they needed constant tending, nurturing, and care, were easy.

Wings on the other hand were tough to swallow. Wings sort of creep up on you, and take you by surprise when you aren't paying close enough attention to the signals. The first sign of wings are expected and celebrated for the major milestones in your kids' lives. These are called the "Firsts". First time your baby sees (holy cow, we spent a whole evening at my uncle's house moving my first daughter around his kitchen, just to watch her eyes follow the moving objects), the first time your baby rolls over, takes a step, says Mama/Dada, eats with a spoon, goes potty, and on and on until that first time you drop your "baby" off at nursery school/kindergarten. Of course this is an exciting wing time, and your child is running in laughing, or tugging at your arm as you leave with tears in their eyes. (This is probably the only time your children will embark on a first with tears in their eyes.) After you drop them off, you kind of sit in the car and think, "Whoa, where did all the time go so quickly?"

Wings, like roots, if cared for properly grow very quickly. Before you know it, your kids are asking to sleep at friends' houses, go to concerts (that they swear are safe, and drug free), and venture out on vacations with other families or organizations. One summer, my youngest daughter, who we affectionately referred to as "The Traveler", was on vacation with four different good friends in one summer, and this was in addition to the week we spent on vacation as a family. The only time that my youngest daughter was ever hesitant to go anywhere was the time she signed up for an Outward Bound Program. She would not have a good friend by her side. She would not be with her mom, dad, or older sister. My thirteen year old daughter was about to venture off on her own for two solid weeks. There would be no communication with us or anyone but the members of her Outward Bound Team. Remember how I said that the only time Wings will create tears would be their first day of school? Well, for my youngest daughter this was not quite true. The night before we would drive her to Boston to meet up with the Outward Bound group, She came to my room and was sobbing. She was afraid to go this alone. I reminded her of all the odd jobs she had done to pay for this adventure, and the money she paid to participate. I think my exact words were, "If you think you are crying now, imagine how you will be crying when you realize that you just wasted $1500.00 of your hard earned money." BINGO! That hit a nerve. She dried her tears, mumbled something about waking her up, and went to bed. Two weeks later, when we arrived to pick her up, I could not find her in the crowd of kids disembarking from the boat. I asked my husband if he saw her. He told me that she had just walked past me. I turned in disbelief, and sure enough, there she was in the center of all the kids that participated. Two of the boys were carrying all of her "stuff", and she, as dark as I have ever seen her, with corn row braids, had just walked right by where I was standing. I went over to her, and with a big smile, she gave me a very smelly hug. (You are not allowed to use deodorant due to the bugs, and she hadn't bathed in over a week, except in the ocean.) Not only did she have the time of her life, but she earned the title of Lead Oar Person, and was voted by her teammates for about 75% of the badges for leadership and survival qualities.

So, why do I tell this story? I tell it because a huge part of me wanted to hug her that night that she came sobbing to me, tell her OK, you don't have to go, and I will call and cancel your trip in the morning. This however, would not have helped her to grow good, strong Wings;  Wings that she would need to rely on as she grew older, and started leaving the security of the nest where her roots were planted. Giving in to her limited view of what this trip could be like for her would have only set her up for giving up on future commitments.

The next time that my youngest daughter was ready to spread her Wings was her freshman year of college. She enrolled in a small college in New Hampshire, about a two hour ride from home. Now it was my turn to shed a tear or two. After moving her in to what would become her home away from home for the next three years, I vividly remember thinking as my husband, my older daughter, and I drove away, and we were watching her standing there waving, that she wasn't ever coming home again; not to live there. Of course she would visit, and spend holidays with us, but deep in my heart I knew my "Traveler" would want to spread her wings as far and as wide as possible. And that is exactly what she has done. By her junior year she introduced us to her new boyfriend, who we now introduce as her husband. Later that year, she began talking about completing her senior year of college online. THERE IT WAS, the signal that I missed. She, of course had been complaining about how hard it was to live in the apartment with six other girls, hold down a thirty hour work week, and do well in school. Naively, I thought, of course she wants to come home where it will be easier to succeed. WRONG again! What she was really preparing me for was the fact that she and her new fiance would be moving to Michigan, where he would pursue a hockey coaching career. MICHIGAN!? MICHIGAN????!!!!!! Why that was almost an eighteen hour drive from here. These Wings were growing too big too fast! True to our parenting style, on a very stormy and rainy day, we loaded up her somewhat unreliable Hyundai Santa Fe, (and by loaded up, I mean no space left empty, including the mattress wrapped in plastic and strapped to the roof), and drove our little runner of a root to Adrian, Michigan.

We arrived at the place that she secured online. It was a small apartment complex across from a secluded park. When we got to the door, I happened to notice three huge axe marks in the door. This was extremely unsettling. My little root runner chose to ignore this and her solution was to purchase a cute welcome wreath and hang it over the hatchet marks. We spent the rest of that day making her 50 square foot apartment look like a million bucks. (I am not exaggerating the 50 square foot thing) We parted at the airport, and I was a bit like Sandra Bullock in Blind Side, as I knew if I said good bye I would sob like a baby, so I simply turned and waked into the airport. Over time we got used to driving to Michigan for a four day weekend, or spending large amounts of cash to fly there. Eventually we found her a cute duplex, where she and her fiance lived right next door to the other hockey coach. I was finally coming to terms with this whole Wing thing.

One day, my little root runner/traveler, called us to inform us that her fiance was taking a new coaching job. She was so excited, and quite frankly I thought this would be a great opportunity to move closer to home. I didn't even get to verbalize my thought yet, and she was already telling us about how great it will be to move to Wisconsin. WISCONSIN?!? Did I hear correctly? I may not be a geography wizard but I am learned enough to know that Wisconsin is even farther away than Michigan. Again, we flew out to her place in Michigan where her father and I helped her pack up her apartment, load up a U-Haul (she had accumulated some larger pieces of furniture and more "stuff"), and we drove her unreliable Hyundai Santa Fe, the U Haul, and her new dog to Appleton, Wisconsin. We stopped at a hotel about 45 minutes from Appleton because it was too late to continue. In the morning, she and her fiance drove ahead to check out the apartment she had secured, you guessed it, online. About an hour after she left, all smiles and eager to fly to a new place, I got a call. At first, from the sound of her voice, I thought someone was murdering her. Once I got her to calm down, I was able to understand bits and pieces of the story. It went something like this: "Lots of kids running all

over the first floor (she isn't in any hurry to have lots of those,hers or anyone else's), small,  dirty, raccoons in cages in the basement, squirrels, I can't live here." Biting my "I told you so" tongue, I called my husband to come in from walking our grand dog, and we threw our stuff in the back of the U Haul and sped to find my daughter and her fiance sitting in her car each looking out opposite windows. Not a good sign. To make a long story short, we got her deposit back, called the other hockey coach, he helped us find other places, got more money wired from the root we left planted at home (my older daughter), and found her a cute little four room duplex with a pool and activity room right near the college that my future son-in-law had taken a coaching job.

Shortly after tucking her away in Appleton, Wisconsin, where by chance her friends from Michigan moved to, as well, we got another call. This call came from her fiance's mom. She was inviting us to a picnic at their lake house in New Hampshire. We were going to celebrate our two little roots planting some roots of their own. While we were at the camp, my son in law, to my daughter's great surprise, got down on one knee, and through the giggles of my daughter, he asked her to be his bride, and we think she giggled yessss! We had a wonderful wedding service in the foyer of our Victorian home, with a reception at a local Victorian Carriage House at the park where Dr. Seuss played as a child. We were happy that she had found someone who loved her, and she him.

A year or so later, another call, and this time it was to tell me that they were going to plant their Roots back in Massachusetts, where they are still growing Roots and spreading their Wings.  There is no talk of any little runners yet, but like I always say, give it time, and timing is everything.  

Life is all about remembering where you came from while you are flying to your dreams.

Fit For Life

Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way! Dr. Seuss

Last week I wrote about how a healthy diet is important for kids overall health. A good diet is definitely essential, but a good diet alone is often not enough of a guarantee for good health. To keep physically fit, a good diet should be accompanied by a good exercise plan. The best time to start your kids off with a good exercise plan is when they are small. By starting young it is more likely that your children will carry this good habit with them for the rest of their lives.

One of the best benefits of exercise is that it enhances learning. In a CNN article published on April 12th, 2010 called Studying the link between exercise and learning By Elizabeth Mo CNN Medical News Intern, Wendy Suzuki, professor of neuroscience, discovered a link between learning and exercise. Students, in her course designed to discover the effects of exercise on learning, did notably better on tasks after exercising than they did prior to exercising. While this is only one example of such a study, there are many other studies with similar results. I, too, have noticed that my students who are more physically active usually do a bit better than their sedentary counterparts. And, even if they don't do noticeably better than their peers, the many other benefits of exercise are well worth noting.

In addition to enhancing brain performance, exercise produces endorphins, or in other words, the "feel good" chemicals in your brain. So, it only stands to reason that kids who exercise will probably feel better about themselves, and in general, have a happier outlook on life. Usually the kids who have a positive self image are the kids who strive to do their best, and these kids usually find themselves in the top percentage of their classes at school.

It is relatively easy to get your children to adopt exercise as a way of life. When your children are small, set aside time for them to play outdoors. You will need to monitor them, so it is probably a good time to engage in some activity with them, like playing catch, taking a walk, or old fashioned jumping rope. Think of all the things you did as a child, that kids no longer seem to do because they are glued to video games or television programs. Playing tag, or Hide and Go Seek, or simple games of chase, Red Light Green Light, and Mother May I?, were all forms of exercise when I was a child. I am sure that small children would still find these games fun and inviting. They wouldn't even know they were exercising! If you have older children, they can help the smaller ones to play the games.

As your children outgrow these low cost, low maintenance games, you may need to replace these with things like biking, hiking, swimming, tennis, joining sport teams, or perhaps even a family membership at the local gym. And, if your child is addicted to X-Box, purchase the exercise games, and play these as a family.

Many cities have local swim teams. My daughters loved to be in the water, and they loved to be active. When my oldest daughter was six and my youngest daughter was about to turn four, I took them to join our city's swim team. The one requirement to join the team was that they could swim across the high school pool unaided. My oldest daughter was able to swim across with little or no effort. Not to be outdone by her older sister, my youngest daughter jumped in, and while the swim coach walked along the side of the pool as she "swam", my youngest daughter made it to the other side of the pool doing her own invention of some crazy swim stroke. When she reached the opposite side of the pool, she got out of the pool, and announced to the coach that since she made it across the pool she was now a member of the swim team! The coach didn't have the heart to say no. My youngest daughter swam in the eight and under category for almost five years. She was seeded number one in the eight and under category at championships the year she turned eight. Swimming was an integral part of my girls' lives, and we have so many amazing memories of attending swim meets, camping in the pouring rain at championships, going to Cape Cod to attend US Swim Team meets, and the many people we became friends with along the way. Swimming was a great way for our family to keep active and healthy.

If you aren't sure how to get started with getting your kids to "get on their way" you can look up organizations on line that cater to activities that your family is interested in. The local YMCA will also have a list of the activities they offer each season. Ask your children what activities they would like to participate in, and don't take "I don't know" or "I don't feel like it" for an answer. Remember, you are doing what is best for your child, and sometimes doing what is best for them may sometimes be getting them to try something they are not all gung ho about. I guarantee though, that once they are involved, and you are their best cheerleader, they will find themselves having a great time, whether they like it or not!

So, your mountain is waiting, get on your way!

You Are What You Eat!

"Tell me what you eat and I will tell you
what you are." - Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I have used the above quote with my middle school students. When they read this quote they laugh and pretend they are cheeseburgers or pieces of pizza. After we are done laughing about their antics, I go on to explain to them that while they may not turn into an actual cheeseburger or pizza, the parts of their bodies that fuel their thinking and energy for movement do become affected by the foods they eat. I talk to them about brain healthy foods, and foods that benefit athletes. The students always have many questions about how our bodies work, and how food plays a role in the way we function emotionally, physically, and mentally.

 Diet has become synonymous with losing weight, however, diet is actually a word used to describe the types of foods that you ingest each day. As a middle school teacher, I am able to observe the types of foods that students eat on a regular basis. Last week one of my female students, who does struggle a bit with her weight, was downing a two serving bag of potato chips. As I do with all of my students who try to sneak eat during class, I instructed her to put the snack away. At the end of class, as the students were filing out of my classroom, I asked this girl to remain behind. I told her to look at the nutrition information on the back of the chip bag. I asked her to read how many calories there were in a single serving of chips. She informed me that there were 250 calories in a single serving of chips. I then asked her to tell me how many servings of chips there actually were in the bag. She looked at the back of the bag again and told me that there were a total of three servings in the bag that she had almost eaten in its entirety. I then asked her to do the math to calculate how many calories that she had ingested by eating this bag of chips at 9:00 in the morning. The grand total, of course, was 750 calories. This didn't really make much of an impression on her, as she had no idea what the daily recommended amount of calories for a girl her age was. To give her some perspective regarding caloric intake, we searched Google for the daily recommended amount of calories for a 13 year old, semi-active girl. She was shocked to find out that she had just consumed nearly half of the total amount of her daily allotment of calories. The next morning as I got out of my car, I noticed this girl waiting by the back of the school. Since it was chilly out, and she was there quite early, I invited her to wait in my classroom for the bell to ring. She agreed, and came upstairs. When we got into the room she asked me if she could show me something on my computer. She went to a web page that had pictures of extremely obese women, and told me that she had spent the evening looking up articles on healthy eating.

As a girl who struggled with the "battle of the bulge" for my entire life, it is my hope that through my modeling good eating habits in front of my students, and discussing good eating habits and exercise, that I can hopefully get these students to hear my message about an all around healthy life style. I often mention the effects of fatty foods, or unhealthy habits as we discuss the human body. In addition, I open class discussion to questions about good eating and exercising habits. Many of my students think there is only one food group ..... the junk food group. The amount of cookies, cakes, candies, sodas, and energy drinks that they consume are appalling to me. The most disturbing sight I have ever seen is students spreading mayonnaise on their already greasy and cheesy pizza. When I tell them what mayonnaise is made of, they argue that it tastes good, so it is good for you. I ask my students if they were going to drive from Massachusetts to Texas, what would they fill their car with? Obviously, gasoline is the resounding answer. I ask them would they fill the tank with sugar? They look at me as if I have lost my mind. "NO!", they reply. "So." I ask them, "Why is it before you start out on your daily voyage to school, you fill your "tank" with sugar?" "It will ruin your engine!" they reply. This sort of makes some sense to them, and they begin to get the message. Even though nutrition is a health class topic, I find that it is important to spread the nutritional good health message to all of my students.

So, parents, what can you do to ensure that your child has the good health advantage in life? When your children are small, and just beginning to eat solids, offer more fruits and vegetables that cookies and cakes. Sugar is addictive, and offering sugary foods as rewards or comforts only serves to set your child on the path of craving an unhealthy diet. Make sure that your child fuels each day with a healthy breakfast that doesn't contain tons of sugar. Just because it is cereal, that doesn't mean it is void of sugar. Anything that ends in ose, such as glucose, fructose, etc.. contains sugar.  At meal time, think of the dining plate as a clock, from 12:00 to 3:00 is a good size for the protein portion of the meal. From 3:00 to 6:00 is a good carbohydrate size, and  6:00 to 12:00 should be filled with fresh fruits and vegetables.  Cut up carrot sticks, celery, cucumbers, or any of your child's favorite veges, and have them on hand as quick snacks. Use small amounts of peanut butter as a dip, or fore go dips at all. Join a food co-op and take your children with you to select fresh, pesticide free, locally grown fruits and vegetables. Look for fun recipes for your children to make that are filled with healthy ingredients. These are just a few ideas that may have a positive affect on your child's diet.

In addition to watching what your child eats, be aware of what your child is drinking, as well. Sodas, fruit juices, and power drinks are filled with sugar, caffeine, and calories. These kinds of drinks can add extra empty calories to your child's daily diet. Drinking skim milk, or low in sugar fruit juices are better alternatives, however nothing beats the benefits of good old fashioned WATER! Yes, water is a key and essential ingredient to digestion at the cellular level. Food can not be properly digested without adequate water. All cells require adequate water to function properly. As your food is digested and Oxygen is absorbed, cells need water in order for your body to turn the food you eat and the Oxygen you breathe into a form of energy that your body cells can use. The recommended daily amount of water varies from person to person, but eight, eight ounce glasses a day is a good place to start.

Eating right is just one of the ways to ensure a healthy life style. Look for my next blog on getting your child to get up and go! Exercise is a healthy diet's best friend.

So, grab a healthy snack for you and your children and start talking about ways your family can enjoy healthy eating together.

For extra information regarding a healthy life style visit:

http://www.b-simply-healthy.com/



Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting....So, Get on your way! Dr. Seuss

Every year, schools all across America celebrate March 2nd, Dr. Seuss' birthday, by participating in a national reading event called Read Across America. This is the perfect day to introduce life-long reading to your children. What child doesn't love Dr. Seuss? How can anyone pass up Green Eggs and Ham,  or The Cat in the Hat ? As a child, I always looked forward to Dr. Seuss specials on television. These short, clever cartoons made his books come alive for me. I remember reading Hop On Top of Pop, and wishing there was a cartoon made about that book, too. And, I always wished my mom would, just once, make green eggs and ham.

So, to get your kids to enjoy reading, here are some ideas for using Dr. Seuss books with children of all ages:

          1. Read the cat in the hat to your child. I read this to a group of seventh graders today, and they had a blast finishing the sentences and rhymes. This book lends itself to discuss how to handle someone who asks your child to do something that they know their parents would disapprove of, and if they should be honest enough to tell their parents the truth about what they did.

          2. Since many of Dr. Seuss' books deal with social issues, read one of his books with your middle schooler or high schooler, and use this book as a way to discuss social issues that may be part of an underlying theme in the book you read.

          3. Talk to your child about their favorite scene from their favorite book. Ask them why they chose this particular book as their favorite, and how the scene they described, from the book, influenced them.

          4. Start a reading "club" with your children. This works especially well if your children are close in age. Read a book as a family, and then discuss the questions or parts of the plot that were especially interesting or appealing to them.

          5. If you have small children, ask them to draw a scene from their favorite book. Once they are done, ask them to tell you why this book and this scene are their favorite.
  

If starting a discussion with your child is sometimes difficult, sometimes using the story line in a book is an easy way to get the conversation flowing. A few months ago, at a small coffee shop in Springfield, I over heard an amazing conversation between a grandmother and two grandchildren. It was obvious that conversations regarding recently read books was not a novelty for this family. I over heard the grandmother ask her grandkids what genre of books they had recently read. At this point, the granddaughter replied that she had been reading a scientific fantasy about time travel. The grandmother asked her granddaughter why she chose this particular book, and the granddaughter replied that she loved science, and that this particular book was of interest to her because of how realistic and probable the idea of time travel was. Now mind you, this granddaughter was all of ten years old. I was amazed at the quality of conversation that these three people were having. As I was leaving, I heard the grandmother ask her grandkids what books they would recommend  that she read. By now I could not stand it any longer, I had to stop by their table to tell them how amazing it was for me to hear such an amazing conversation about reading!

Today is your day to get on your way of starting this invaluable habit with your children. You will be amazed at the results.

So, Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss. Thank you for sparking an interest in reading for so many children across America!